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Crazy Animals

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After the excitement of an empty doctor’s room playing with Russian Dolls, opening drawers and plant slapping, POD’s amusement levels nose dived. Understandably so. For the fifth time since Christmas she has a skin infection. And chicken pox. She’s itchy, uncomfortable and irritable.

Back home we painted, beheaded Peppa Pig and doodled on the table. We made Cinderella’s coach into a hat, filled Mummy’s pockets with Lego flowers and watched “bellyolly”. In the garden we saw “no” fall, then “leet” and we spotted a “girrell” hunting for nuts. For the first time ever, POD not only wore a hair clip, she kept it in for a whole two hours. When boredom struck once more, the clawing continued as POD attempted to remove the mini volcanoes causing her so much angst.

IMG_7963It seemed as good a time as any to create some Crazy Animals. They’re really easy to make. All you need are scraps of paper in various colours and glue. You can also add tissue paper and spare pieces of material into the mix should you wish. We made a lion, a dinosaur, a tortoise, a fox and a giant fly. For the the purposes of this post, the fly will remain invisible.

The basic shapes of each of the animals were cut out and glued onto an A4 sized piece of paper. The lion comprised of a circular shape for the head with a smaller circle attached to that to form the face. The mane was brought to life by gluing strips of paper and tissue around the face. Having broken my wrist in the past, I found this quite challenging. Paper strips disappeared only to return once re-cut. Attached to clothing, fingers and somehow POD’s face. IMG_7971The body and legs of the lion were decorated with pieces of paper and some spare gingham material.

For the dinosaur, we cut out a sausage like shape for the head and neck. Two further pieces of paper were used to form a body shape that wasn’t square. The legs, hat and feet were cut out and decorated with pieces of paper and glittery card. We had to re-cut some of these when POD tried to eat them.

The fox was made with a rectangular shape for the body and a triangular end for the tail. The legs and whiskers were added afterwards. Gingham material was used to make the ears.

As we’d used shiny paper for the lion’s face, we decided to use black and white paint to create the animals eyes. You could just as easily draw them on.

Crazy Animals was taken from the book ‘365 things to do with paper and cardboard’ by Usborne Activities.

Wot So Funee? | Toddler mockery

There’s nothing like a wake up call that involves having your toothbrush shoved in your mouth followed up with a book in the eye socket. Or a request to touch the ceiling. Or have a “doggert”.

This week POD learnt seagulls don’t frequent Surrey, if you blow a “backbirrrd” from inside the house nothing happens and not all birds are “peegins”. She now knows what tissues are for after responding “in my mouth” when asked where bogeys go. Also “tellytape” is useful sticky stuff that reconstructed a Little Library of Peppa books after it was used as a shoe.

We have a new game. Daddy pretends to be a “bitgarey” by making scary noises and POD runs to Mummy as fast as her little legs will carry her. POD finds this funnier than eating with her fingers, pouring milk on the table or hiding under the bed at bathtime. Even better though is having a “gagganegg” (dragon egg) in the house with a real “gaggan” living in it. This is a failed attempt at stopping POD run off with a breakable stone egg. It’s escalated out of control.

At “dory” time questioning has reached a whole new level:

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s eye

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s nose

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s mouth

Pause…

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s eyelid

So in a room where POD’s dollies are lined up, stripped and thrown like headed javelins, I am totally being laughed at.

Illustrators I thank you for drawing an animal in the background of a book that could pass as a dog, a goat or a pig. And ladybirds that woof, what were you thinking? You’re not helping me here. Especially when a few pages later you refer to said ladybird as a ‘sheep ladybird’. How on earth am I supposed to explain that one?

POD continues to say “hello man” to everyone regardless of their sex. If you’re lucky enough to be at our house for three hours, the greeting will continue the entire time. Perhaps ‘Mr BT Man’ you should have introduced yourself by name like the vacuum cleaner repair chap did. At least POD then alternated between saying “hello man” and “hello floor”. His name was Phil.

To be fair Phil was thankful for his life after POD turned the vacuum cleaner on when he was mid-way through dismantling it. Never have I seen two adults and one toddler move so fast. Mind you who leaves an appliance plugged in? Oh yes I do. Nothing like blending blueberries and forgetting to put the lid on the blender. The result? Blueberry goo splattered across two walls and the ceiling just after it had been painted.

POD’s other new phrases this week include “I be sad”, “I be naughty” and “too boring” – the latter seemingly about the “bugby”. And the best new phrase of the week?

“Whosiss?”

 

This post is for “Wot So Funee?”. Head over to Actually Mummy to join in too.

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The Gallery | Bond

Falling pregnant is a funny old process. For some it happens in no time. For others it doesn’t. We were the latter. The day I discovered I was pregnant I felt really strange. Maybe I knew subconsciously. Something made me buy a pregnancy test in the chemist that Saturday. It’s not the same as grabbing a Diet Coke and a Twirl is it?

The Thursday prior I’d been on one of the biggest benders of my life. It was a marketing industry shindig but with people I, for the most part, knew very well. I have a vague recollection of discussing pant styles. I drank champagne, I drank wine, I drank shots. Lots of them. The following day I vowed never to drink alcohol again.

On the Saturday morning, after discounting the possibility of a two-day hangover, I bumbled off to the chemist to buy I can’t remember what. It wasn’t a pregnancy test but somehow it seemed right to buy one. We were trying after all. I didn’t tell The POD Father I’d got one as I didn’t want to build up his excitement only to crush the dream a few minutes later. So I peed on the stick and left it do its stuff by myself in the confines of the bathroom. I expected the result to be negative so when I saw it was positive my immediate reaction was to swear. A lot. Aside from that I was completely speechless. So much so when I passed the stick to The POD Father I couldn’t speak. I also forgot I hadn’t actually told him I’d bought a pregnancy test. Never did a look speak a thousand words.

We had a tennis court booked so we decided we’d still go and have a game. What followed was the most appalling game of tennis you’ve ever seen. To be fair it wasn’t even a game. Neither of us could hit the ball and we giggled like a couple of teenagers. We’d been having lessons locally and our coach, playing nearby, thought we’d completely lost our marbles. We didn’t mind we were very happy bunnies.

That feeling of total and utter joy was replaced with extreme worry two days later. In hospital the words ‘miscarriage’ and ‘eptopic’ were bandied around. It wasn’t looking good. I was also nearly forty and therefore classified as an ‘mature mother’.

We had our first scan at five weeks and saw the amniotic sac. At eight weeks there was a fetal pole (two of The POD Father’s favourite words ever) and amazingly a heartbeat. It was an incredible moment even though what we saw was so tiny.

At twelve weeks we saw POD looking like a baby for the first time. She was nicknamed ‘baby Jesus’ because of her Christmas Day due date and I was convinced she was a boy. We declined the downs test as it was invasive and there was a risk of miscarriage. We’d had enough scares. During the twenty week scan, I was so nervous I thought I might vomit. Even presenting to 100 people, I’d never experienced that level of nervousness before. It was off the scale.

The nerves were due to an underlying fear of pregnancy. I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 1983. Whilst I’ve been fit free since 1996, it’s widely documented anti-epileptic drugs (AED’s) can cause a multitude of complications in pregnancy. These can include facial deformities, spina bifida and heart defects. For this reason, I was prescribed with horse-like quantities of folic acid which I started taking several months before falling pregnant.

We had scans on a regular basis throughout my pregnancy. Whilst all parents have that indescribable bond with their offspring, I feel blessed that this journey began before POD even had a heartbeat. She made her appearance on Christmas Day 2010 after a 47 hour labour. And with all her bits and bobs.

Nothing comes close to the bond I have with POD and equally the bond The POD Father has with her.

 

The theme for The Gallery this week is “Bond”. To find out more, please visit Sticky Fingers.

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Wot So Funee? Our toddler

Colourful star stickers lie dormant in the bathroom cupboard. Located there since POD uttered the words “wee wee”, they are to be given out as a reward for using the potty. Only one has been issued so far. For not severing a finger in the nail cutting process.

Despite calling Granddad Dove “Ga Gam”, POD’s vocabulary is coming on leaps and bounds. As has her understanding of what certain words mean. We’ve established Mummy, Daddy and POD have elbows, backs and belly buttons. On some days we also have eyebrows and foreheads. There is some confusion however surrounding the little hip mole that POD and Mummy share but Daddy doesn’t.

Aside from the obligatory “no”, POD’s most favoured words are “Bellyolly” (Ben and Holly), “weetch” (Room on the Broom) and “barnya” (banana). POD loves bananas even more than “soomas” (satsumas).

Other classics include calling her muzza (muslin) “Noony” and repeatedly saying “Mummy boooob”. Seemingly I just have the one. If you’re in a shop, she likes to yell “Hello man” at the top of her voice. It’s particularly effective in gaining unwanted attention on the “I look like a yeti” days.

If you ask her, POD knows where her bottom is although its exact whereabouts appear vague. She knows Sudocrem doesn’t go on your bottom when you’re still clothed.

POD has realised saying “I need wee wee”(or even better “I need poo”) is the most effective way to achieve freedom super-fast. It’s the best game going. The landing then becomes a speedway for our naked bottom warrior. Once confined to the bathroom playground, on offer is modelling the potty as a hat, filling it with bath creatures or using it as a ship. Sometimes it will be used as a step. Handy when unraveling toilet roll and tearing it up into little pieces. A superb game when Mummy is in the shower with shampoo on her head.

POD asks “Whatsatt?” and points at every available opportunity. A light switch, the stair gate and a radiator dryer all got the pointy finger treatment earlier. As did the poople on the bathroom floor the day before. Hers not mine. We also hear “what’s happening” when something is not quite right. Like the duck that fills itself with water and capsizes in the bath. I ask myself the same question. Ducks are supposed to float aren’t they?

This is our toddler POD. She’s two. She shares her birthday with Jesus.

If you want to get involved with Wot So Funee?, you can read all about it at Actually Mummy.

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Jumping in muddy puddles

IMG_8024When I was asked ‘”Do you know Alice Holt?” I honestly thought she was a person. An elegant middle class lady who lived on a farm and was into pottery.

Or a more likely scenario, it was someone I’d met in a baby massage group. POD loved those sessions. Quite possibly because taking her nappy off created an instant wee fountain and subsequently much hilarity.

I would remember anyone called Alice. This being the name my parents were going to give me until they realised Miss A Cornes (yes acorns) really didn’t work. Charlotte was a much better option. The name proved especially popular in the eighties thanks to an Iron Maiden song featuring the name in its title.

Alice HoltDoes anyone remember ‘Charlotte the Harlot’!?

Well as it turns out Alice Holt is not a person but a forest. A huge ancient forest that used to supply timber to the navy. It’s a beautiful woodland setting and a great place for outdoor activities. POD made a beeline for a wooden play area when we arrived.

At this juncture, it’s worth pointing out she’s a climber and she has No Fear. She’d dive head first off a table given the opportunity. Add to this a coat better suited to a child double her age (bought in the sale), some over-sized wellies and hey presto we’re onto a winner.

PoppyPOD bounded off in a way only a two-year-old can. Clambering up giant steps, she was off while I desperately clung to her hand. Except it wasn’t her hand. Or her arm. It was an empty sleeve. Then we lost a welly. Then we slid on some ice. We were on the cusp of disaster so we left the play area to see what else Alice Holt had in store.

I’d recently promised POD she could jump in puddles if she had wellies on. Only to discover when we were in a muddy wood that they were too small. Cue massive tantrum and buggy style back arching. Today was different. POD had new wellies and there were puddles. Little puddles and great big muddy bogs. I’m not sure what possessed me to put POD in a dress that day. A cream dress and puddles. Gold star to mummy.

IMG_8049We were so keen to get going when we arrived at Alice Holt, we just started walking rather than planning a specific route or picking up a map. To be honest that’s how we like it. The POD Father in particular is not one to
ask for directions.

POD herself likes to follow her own path. After all we spent 9 months thinking she was a boy and with her due date being Christmas Day, were equally as surprised as the midwife as it happens, that “baby Jesus” turned out to be a beautiful baby girl.

Everyone at Alice Holt had a dog. We all love dogs. One day we will crumble and buy one especially now we’re Alice Holt P & Dworking from home. POD adores dogs from afar. Get close and the confident toddler clings to you like a little monkey. Throughout our stay at Alice Holt, every time POD saw a dog she pointed and shouted ‘Dog’ at the top of her voice. Dogs are far more exciting to POD than ‘Cats’ or ‘Babits’.

We stayed at Alice Holt less than two hours as it was so cold but it was simply stunning. There is an incredible amount to do there whether it be walking, exploring and cycling if like me you didn’t batter your coccyx in labour. There are also play areas, a popular Habitat Trail, Go Ape and nordic walking.

For children Alice Holt boasts a wide range of children’s holiday activities such as den building, pond dipping Poppy b&w 2and woodland craft sessions. Sessions for mums and toddlers are also available during term time.

Alice Holt Forest
Bucks Horn Oak
Farnham 
Surrey GU10 4LS 

 

 

The Gallery | New

New is seeing Poppy every day.

New is founding a business. And launching a blog.

New is achieving a better work/life balance.

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Bedtime Stories

Bedtime Stories is a regular feature on the PODcast ‘grappling with a box of frogs’ blog that focuses on POD’s favourite story.

It’s no surprise that the first book to feature in Bedtime Stories is an absolute gem from the superbly talented duo Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler.

The Snail and the Whale is thought to be Julia Donaldson’s favourite of all the books she’s written for Axel Scheffler to illustrate. Potentially because Julia felt she captured something of the soulful whimsy of the Edward Lear poems she enjoyed as a child.

It’s easy to understand why with a book that starts ‘this is the tale of a tiny snail and a great big, grey-blue humpback whale. This is a rock as black as soot, and this is the snail with the itchy foot’.

The Snail and the Whale tells the story of a sea snail that longs to sail much to the disapproval of the flock. Having left a silvery trail with the words ‘ lift wanted around the world’, the snail is offered the tail of a humpback whale with the promise of ‘shimmering ice and coral caves and shooting stars and enormous waves’.

The whale carries the snail on his tail on an amazing journey to far-off lands, fiery mountains and golden sands. Until the whale loses his way and swims too close to the shore and beaches himself.

Proving size is no obstacle, the snail with the itchy foot saves the whale by leaving a ‘save the whale’ trail on a blackboard in a local school. The whale is rescued by the villagers and firemen who spray him to keep him cool and before long the whale and the snail swim safely away.

Back at the dock the whale and the snail tell their wonderful tail. And how the snail saved the life of the humpback whale. The whale then holds out his tail and on crawls snail after snail after snail.

So the great big, grey-blue humpback helped a tiny snail that longed to sail. The tiny snail saved the whale when its was lying beached in the bay. So don’t follow the flock, explore your dreams and regardless of the size of the task in hand, there’s always a way to help a friend in need.

The Snail and the Whale is truly wonderful. The words flow beautifully and the illustrations mirror the words perfectly. It’s also an incredibly calming tale and POD’s favourite book this week by a country mile.

The Snail and the Whale by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
Published by Macmillan Children’s Books 
ISBN: 978-0-333-98224-2
Available to buy on Amazon (RRP £6.99)
 
 
 
 

Tissue paper jellyfish

The Doves’ first foray into the world of arts & crafts is creating fabulous Tissue Paper Jellyfish. It will be a challenge. I broke my wrist at the point of rotation a year ago. Despite inheriting some impressive afro comb like metalwork, it’s not in good shape. So our arts & crafts journey begins with me owning a wrist that quite frankly belongs to a 102-year-old. POD is just great but she’s just turned two and she’s a climber. She doesn’t do sitting still well unless she’s eating or watching Peppa Pig.

Our quest to make Tissue Paper Jellyfish started well. We painted some A4 card with thick layers of blue paint so all the brush marks showed. It was hugely convenient we didn’t need to let the paint dry before adding another layer. Time is of the essence when you’re keeping a toddler entertained.

We then put the card to one side so we could create the jellyfish. Making a simply jellyfish is a straightforward process as you just cut a domed shape for the body. Each of your jellyfish shapes should then be glued onto another piece of paper. I would presume this is to ensure the paint doesn’t seep through your tissue paper jellyfish shapes when they’re stuck on the wet painted card.

We omitted the process of sticking the tissue paper to another piece of paper because at that point POD decided to do her human fan impression. She whirled splayed arms across the table at high speed sending our tissue paper shapes off the table like birds in flight. Unfortunately she also managed to ‘blow’ a full cup of tepid coffee everywhere.

If you’ve ever wondered how much liquid a cup of coffee can hold, it’s about 842 litres. We said goodbye to the beautifully crafted body shapes we’d created as we scooped up the soggy remains. Thirty minutes later we were back on track following a brief entertainment break.

We cut out some more tissue paper jellyfish shapes (in our haste forgetting to attach them to paper) then stuck them to our snazzy blue painted card. We glued a darker piece of tissue paper, shaped like a leaf, to these for the underside of the jellyfish.

We also made spotted jellyfish by gluing some tissue paper spots onto the jellyfish’s body and painting on spots. And we created a double body jellyfish by cutting two different body shapes and gluing them together. Although striped jellyfish could be created by cutting curved stripes from tissue paper and gluing them onto the body, we lost a true work of art in the coffee tsunami. We decided to paint our tentacles white although you can draw them too.

Our fish would have been amazing if we had chocolate wrappers or shiny wrapping paper but we didn’t. So we improvised using green tissue paper instead. It’s fair to say you will never see a fish that looks like the ones we created.

So here we are. The Doves initial dabble into the world of arts & crafts.

Tissue paper jellyfish was taken from the book ‘365 things to do with paper and cardboard’ by Usborne Activities.

 

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