Wot So Funee? | Toddler mockery

There’s nothing like a wake up call that involves having your toothbrush shoved in your mouth followed up with a book in the eye socket. Or a request to touch the ceiling. Or have a “doggert”.

This week POD learnt seagulls don’t frequent Surrey, if you blow a “backbirrrd” from inside the house nothing happens and not all birds are “peegins”. She now knows what tissues are for after responding “in my mouth” when asked where bogeys go. Also “tellytape” is useful sticky stuff that reconstructed a Little Library of Peppa books after it was used as a shoe.

We have a new game. Daddy pretends to be a “bitgarey” by making scary noises and POD runs to Mummy as fast as her little legs will carry her. POD finds this funnier than eating with her fingers, pouring milk on the table or hiding under the bed at bathtime. Even better though is having a “gagganegg” (dragon egg) in the house with a real “gaggan” living in it. This is a failed attempt at stopping POD run off with a breakable stone egg. It’s escalated out of control.

At “dory” time questioning has reached a whole new level:

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s eye

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s nose

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s mouth

Pause…

“Whatsatt?” Igglepiggle’s eyelid

So in a room where POD’s dollies are lined up, stripped and thrown like headed javelins, I am totally being laughed at.

Illustrators I thank you for drawing an animal in the background of a book that could pass as a dog, a goat or a pig. And ladybirds that woof, what were you thinking? You’re not helping me here. Especially when a few pages later you refer to said ladybird as a ‘sheep ladybird’. How on earth am I supposed to explain that one?

POD continues to say “hello man” to everyone regardless of their sex. If you’re lucky enough to be at our house for three hours, the greeting will continue the entire time. Perhaps ‘Mr BT Man’ you should have introduced yourself by name like the vacuum cleaner repair chap did. At least POD then alternated between saying “hello man” and “hello floor”. His name was Phil.

To be fair Phil was thankful for his life after POD turned the vacuum cleaner on when he was mid-way through dismantling it. Never have I seen two adults and one toddler move so fast. Mind you who leaves an appliance plugged in? Oh yes I do. Nothing like blending blueberries and forgetting to put the lid on the blender. The result? Blueberry goo splattered across two walls and the ceiling just after it had been painted.

POD’s other new phrases this week include “I be sad”, “I be naughty” and “too boring” – the latter seemingly about the “bugby”. And the best new phrase of the week?

“Whosiss?”

This post is for “Wot So Funee?”. Head over to Actually Mummy to join in too.