Wot So Funee? Toddler meltdowns

The day started with POD ramming her toothbrush into my belly button. I think it was my belly button. Difficult to tell these days. She was in good spirits though despite her lack of sleep the night before.

We had a fabulous lunch in which POD ate a scoop of ice-cream so fast I’m sure she caused brain freeze. She was so well behaved too, only attempting one high chair escape. Afterwards, with a satisfied toddler sitting happily in her buggy, I set off for the shops.

POD’s sense of humour started to wain as we hit the cobbles of Guildford High Street. “I get out Mummy, I see pigeens” she shouted whilst lurching sideways out of the buggy, arms flailing. As people turned and stared, the volume of POD’s shrieking increased “Pigeens. I see pigeens. Get me out”.

Boots the chemist provided little sanctuary. POD’s hands splayed like spinning fans sending an array of products off the shelves like frisbies. Customers jumped in the air as packets skidded across the floor. Old people stared. Young folk loitered in our path intensifying the rage.

Giving POD a toothbrush to hold provided me with enough time to reach cosmetics. Then without warning it was airborne, shooting into a colourful display of nail varnish like a dart. People looked on with disgust as I placed each bottle in its rightful home, hoping none were broken. It was time to leave. Aside from the chewing gum and Lipsalve ‘grabathon’ at the counter, we escaped Boots without further incident.

Next a whistle stop visit to WHSmith then home. POD seemed visibly calmer at this stage and excited by a nearby packet of pens. She loves colouring. Unperturbed I gave them to her to hold. Yes I know what you’re thinking. You utter fool. And you’d be right. Within minutes, the plastic cover was split, the packet open and 24 pens were falling to the floor in an endless waterfall of colour. After the clear up, we headed for the till at break neck speed to the sound of POD wailing “Noooooo Mummy, go away. My pens”.

In the queue, shrieks of “I want babbit, I want babbit” were coupled with an outstretched arm. Who puts Easter eggs at buggy height on both sides of a queue? Ideal for toddlers to perfect their grabbing skills. POD’s grip tightened when she realised it was “chocklit”. After what seemed like an eternity, we reached the counter.

“I’m sttttuuuccckkkkk” POD yelled at the top of her lungs. She wasn’t wrong. She’d managed to flip onto her front and slide backwards entangling herself in her straps. Having re-positioned her, I returned to my purchases hoping we could pay and leave. No chance. The chap was waiting to see if I wanted a bag for my nine items.

“Mummy I got bogey” a loud voice pipped up from beneath me. I looked down to see POD’s index finger outstretched with a bogey attached to the end of it. Everyone stared as I hurriedly searched for a tissue. Once we’d paid, the race was on to see how quickly we could get to the carpark. Typically POD fell asleep the minute we reached the car, only waking when a cot transfer was attempted.

Although short lived, the nap was enough to re-ignite POD’s sparkly sense of humour. She gave her ‘babies’ “pancakes, egg and cake. And made three out of four “gigaw” puzzles in quick succession. Much fun was had at bathtime, especially when two cups of water went overboard, and we followed up with The Smartest “dynat” in Town. Then after re-placing the nappy POD had taken off, she settled down to sleep.

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